My therapist suggested I keep a diary. She said that writing about my feelings might help me to overcome the emotional upsets I've been through and leave me feeling happier, ha, ha ha.
But, to give you a taster of what it's like to be me, take a peek at the last six months ...
November 2010
Zero Tolerance
Feeling pissed.. Can't understand why Benny insists I bring the twins along. WITP ... they were perfectly happy in their boarding school. It isn't as if the doco has anything about African orphans. It's about saving trees for Christsake. Now he says I should have them live with me when we go home. NFW!!!!!
January 2011
Mother of the Voodoo- Bride
How can I face my fans? Today my daughter was married in a voodoo ceremony. At one stage it looked like the ceremony might not go ahead when the groom balked at killing the sacrificial pig. David went as white as a sheet when Entri, (Mei Li's supposed grandfather) told him to slaughter this pig that was tied up in front of the long house. Gross!!! I really felt for him. Of course, the TV crew lapped it all up. Hard to think what was the most cringe making moment. But that time when the witch doctor guy waved a black chicken over Mei Li and David's heads takes some beating.
Tuesday, January 25,
2011SHARPER THAN A SERPENT'S TOOTH: AN UNGRATEFUL CHILD
Can u believe this - Mei Li and David are back in Brit and staying in Manchester at Josh and Sandy's place. What an insult! She never even bothered to let me know she was back. I found out when I switched on Entertainment Tonight.
What an ungrateful bitch she is. I spent three nights in that hovel in the jungle just to help her out. Well I ask you, who could be fagged watching a boring doco about trees - the only reason it'll rate is because I presented it. And you wouldn't believe the accommodation, all of us, (family and the crew), had to stay in the longhouse.
What a hovel! No power and no sanitation. It makes me shudder just thinking about the rats and bugs It's a wonder I didn't catch typhoid or leprosy, even.
I told Benny never again. It was all right for him and Josh off with the men to cock fights and hunting and fishing trips, roaring drunk every night on jungle juice. Me, I was stuck with those god-awful twins and a bunch of illiterate women - they couldn't even speak English, for crying out loud.
Sandy was no company always with her head in a book. I don't know what Josh sees in her ... the fat cow. And as for Mei Li, the way she idolizes that so-called grandmother, makes me want to puke. I mean what about me ... I'm her mother for christsake.
February 2011
Golden Globes ignore most watched TV Special
The Golden Globe awards were announced yesterday and my new doco didn't get a mention. Can't believe they're still not bothering with documentaries. ... I mean how can u ignore the most watched episode of any single TV program. Yeah! Day over for the Dayaks made the Tuff on Poverty Special seem like small bikkies. And I'm not one to brag but IIRC, it had the biggest audience ever and raised the most money for charity. Ah well, there's always BAFTA.
February 2011
Day over for the Dayaks
and, IMO that wouldn't be a bad thing, but I wouldn't say that to Mei Li. She still keeps calling them my people ... as if.
Now I've lost my thread ... oh yeah, Day over for the Dayaks has been nominated for three categories - International, Factual Series and Single Documentary. Benny has already started campaigning. PPPLEASSE! Why bother ... we'll blitz them I told him. We ended up having a row. I mean Benny is supposed to be my agent and yet, who's been asked to sing at the BAFTA's ... Sir Josh freakin' Chadwick. What am I paying him for? All he could come up with was some weak excuse about the profits from the song going to set up a fighting fund to help the Dayaks. Still not speaking.
March 2011
How can you expect a single working mother to get involved in her childrens' sports?
Sooo bored! Is there anything more mind-numbingly boring than schoolboy cricket. You don't even get to drool over the players I mean what's sexy about pimply, greasy skinned adolescents Ugh! This is the first and last time Benny is going to bully me into coming to another Open Day. It isn't as if the twins give an RA ... in fact I think they'd prefer it if I stayed away. Ungrateful brats. They don't seem to appreciate how lucky they are to have been adopted by one the richest and most talented women in the world. I mean the fees for just one term would support their village for a year. Must get into Angelina's ear at the New York Fashion Awards next week. She's got the doting mother act sussed.
March 2011
Get Real
Soooo excited! I'm getting my own reality show on E! Doing it Tuff premieres next month. It's tipped that the first show - The Wedding - is going to be watched by 5.2 million viewers which will make it the most watched show in E!'s history.
Guess the network will be dropping the Kardashians. Sorry Kim ... but I've never understood. What exactly are you famous for?
BTW, Mei Li is having a second wedding ceremony in the village church at Crantock on Avon. To appease Lady Entwistle who missed out on the jungle nuptials. Can't stand the old cow but Sir Roland is dishy. I'll be sitting next to him at the head table and, I think we're going to be very, very ... close friends.
April 2011
43.7 million tuned in to new reality show
Notched up another first ...last night, 43.7 million people watched the debut of Doing it Tuff the largest audience for the premiere of a reality show in television history. No kidding there was more interest in my daughter's wedding than Kate Middleton's. Got to say I'm totally over Mei Li. Can u believe she actually thought I was going to donate my salary from the first episode to 'Fight for Dayak Rights'. As if! Might have to hike the price up for the next season. I'm thinking $3.5 million an episode. Eat your heart out Charlie Sheen.
April 2011
Banged up in Changi
Sounds like Benny has convinced the producers of Banged up Abroad to feature the White Diamonds in the next series. It’s hard to believe but the girls have been locked up in Changi for eighteen years. All three pleaded guilty to drug possession and prostitution. I could have been charged too if Josh hadn’t helped me get away. Not that I had any idea that the troupe was a front for a prostitution ring when I auditioned ... I was only 17, straight out of the schoolroom and green as. You should have seen Benny’s face when I agreed to take part in the program straight off. Sometimes I think he just doesn’t get me. I mean why wouldn't I use my celebrity to help old friends get out of that rotten place? I guess you've got to have been inside yourself to understand.
April 2011
Rockstar helps out struggling author
Ann Massey emailed me - she wants me to tell all my fans that she's launching her new website with a competition. Can't say I'm impressed with the prize - all you win is a part in her next book.
To tell the truth, I think she's got a hide asking for my help when she turned down the opportunity to write my memoirs. I was going to tell her to get a freaking agent. I mean it just shows how far out of touch she is expecting a mega star like me to promote her book for free ... but what the hell. If you're so desperate to get known you can enter the competition by clicking on her website http://www.annmasseyauthor.net
There ... satisfied.
May 2011
Top tip if you want to be a star
Talent is overrated: I’ve met so many talented singers. Guess what, most of them earn less than they would waiting tables. The smart ones forget about it and go back to the 9-5 slog. You see most wannabes don’t get it. If you want to make it big you’ve got to work real, real, hard at selling yourself to the right people. People don’t think the old casting couch still exists in the entertainment business, lol.
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